Want to talk about the world opening up…..our exposure and the possibility of actually dating again?
DS: Good lord, Lori. Can’t we talk about something easy? Like world disarmament?
LM: Sure we can. But this is like disarmament in a way. We are now looking to trust others in a way that is reminiscent of the 1980’s. Remember when you asked someone to get an AIDS test before you went “all the way” with them? Same thing.
DS: AIDS. Interesting analogy. Just as with AIDS, the virus is a lot more real for some of us than it is for others.
So, dating nowadays is going to take two people (generally) who are in agreement about the risks and the consequences of their choices. Maybe the first question ought to be What’s possible? (e.g., what’s open out there) and then weigh that against your comfort zone.
LM: The challenge will be figuring out the “comfort zone” and seeing if the other person bends or not. For me, with an immunodeficiency, I’m not all that comfortable, but there are many fools out there who packed the local bars this weekend with reckless abandon. This is one of those “compatible” moments to see how flexible/respectable the potential date is. Personally, I believe this pandemic is very telling of how people handle stress, loneliness and mental stability. I see it as a golden opportunity to see more sides than you would normally see.
DS: Well said, Lori. The pandemic IS a challenge and an opportunity. As a result of the virus, some of us will see ways to come to terms better with ourselves. Ways to be more resilient. Better able to cope. Happier with life.
You’ve reminded me that regardless of the virus, some things about dating haven’t changed…or that they’ve been magnified. For example, it’s still a crap shoot, eh? I’m still looking for my type (or close). Except now, I’m also looking for someone who calculates the risks of Open more or less the way I see them.
LM: I agree. Wholeheartedly.
DS: What it takes to date these days is an inside job. I need to ask, Do I have what it takes to co-create and build a relationship on-line…or at a distance? Do I have the patience it’ll take?
So, this is a good time for me to look inside myself…and work on what I find there.
LM: It’s clearly an “inside job” now (in many ways…get the pun here for many working from home who didn’t before). But I always say…you can’t date until you’ve done the work yourself AND you have to offer what you are seeking in a partner.
Lori Mendelsohn, Matchmaker and Dating Coach. Lori can be reached at seacoastmatchmaker.com
Doug Stern is at https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougsternwriter/