I’ve had many matchmaking and dating coaching clients tell me that the older we get, the more difficult it is to meet someone who we find compatible. Are we just too stuck in our ways, or, too independent and settled?
Findings show that the more life we’ve lived, the pickier we become and the more self-sufficient we are. The majority of us have been married, raised kids, been through difficult marriages-some, even abusive. But in order to find a partner, you need to put yourself “out there” and many of us give up after a couple of dates because “The One” didn’t meet you for coffee at Starbucks.
The best thing to do, at any age, is to be fully present, without any agenda other than meeting someone and sharing time. The goal is to have fun. Many of us go into dates feeling that we “need” to find that special someone, but in all fairness, we just need to show up, meet that person where they are, and share thoughts or experiences. In other words, the life script doesn’t need to be written on the first date.
If you are interested in getting to know someone, and wish to see them again, start a “dance” where you can playfully give and take, push and pull and find common ground, likes, dislikes, hobbies and interests. Nothing is less attractive to someone than a needy person who instantly focuses their entire world around you. Be the person who you want to date. Show up giving the same amount that you wish to have from the other person. And above all, be kind, even if there isn’t a connection between the two of you. Respect is paramount, even if the person looks nothing like their profile photo, or has lied on a dating app.
I am available for dating coaching as well as 1:1 matchmaking in the Milwaukee area.